At 15, Noelia Calvillo started curating her poems for her first poetry book, Inflictions, and three years later it was independently published to Amazon. In her collection of poems, Calvillo shares her experiences as a queer woman of color, and recounts her battles with mental illness, heartbreak and loss.
“I feel like a lot of the topics I talk about, a lot of people don’t talk about … deeply,” Calvillo said, attributing that as her motivation to publish.
Calvillo calls herself an empath, and has felt the pain of others on a personal level. She hopes that Inflictions can be a source that shows her readers that they are not alone in the deep emotions they may feel.
“If you are reading this, I hope you enjoy it and take it seriously,” Calvillo wrote at the beginning of her book. “My first experience with love is printed on the pages of this book, cherish it in a way no one else has.”
The process of publishing wasn’t an easy one. Calvillo is not well versed with technology, and spent three weeks editing the pdf files for her book until it was ready.
“It still isn’t perfect, but it was good enough,” Calvillo said in regards to the tedious process of continuously editing her files.
Even before publishing, the three years spent writing was difficult for her. Calvillo draws inspiration from emotional pain that she feels in her life. If there’s nothing to note, or if something is too much for her to even talk about, she has difficulties putting pen to paper.
Her affinity towards writing darker pieces is what inspired the title of her book, Inflictions.
“The root word is infliction and that means to inflict [pain],” Calvillo said. Her book is a collection of painful moments recounted into poetry, so she went with the plural version of the word.
While the themes are dark, Calvillo feels a great sense of accomplishment because being published is something she has always wanted. However, that feeling is accompanied with fear.
Calvillo believes that most people, after sharing their work, would feel fear of judgment, but that wasn’t what she feared.
“I was scared that someone with a greater following or more popularity, would steal my work and claim it as their own,” Calvillo said. “And people would believe them because of their social standing and influence.
Calvillo has also felt disappointed. She believes that her work is deserving of more recognition and praise.
Despite this, Calvillo isn’t disheartened by the current lack of attention to her work. She isn’t finished yet, and acknowledges that this book is just the beginning for her.
“I believe in divine timing,” Calvillo said. “I know [recognition] will come to me when the time is right.”