Some of those looking for love in the Biggest Little City are seeking a personal connection that can be hard to find on the apps. For folks who prefer to meet new people the old fashioned way, the Arch Society Dessert Bar in Midtown hosts a speed dating event on Tuesday evenings. Andrew Zuker went to find out what the situation is like for local singles.
Skylar was one of those nervously waiting at the mismatched tables and chairs inside the Arch Society Dessert Bar on Virginia Street in Midtown. “Yeah I use all three of ‘em, no success at all. Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble,” he said of the main dating apps.
Patrons fidgeted with their phones and chitchated in the softly lit and cozy space, waiting for someone to take charge and begin the event.
They were here in Midtown on a blustery October Tuesday night to try their hands at speed-dating, a classic singles meetup in which strangers are introduced and chat in pairs for a short timed interval, switching partners every few minutes with the goal of meeting a lot of new people in a small amount of time.
A nicely-dressed man in his mid-40s, Kevin grew up in Texas but has called Reno home for several years. He’s relatively new to the dating scene, but knows that it takes time and effort to meet someone special.
“It’s like anything, the more times you put yourself out there, the more opportunities you have,” he opined.
The basic concept of speed dating goes back to the 1800s, but the event as we know it today was formalized in the mid-1990s by a Los Angeles rabbi, Yaacov Deyo, to help the single people of his congregation find love.
Rabbi Deyo would gather groups of ten to 25 singles together and have each pair chat for four minutes before moving on to the next potential partner. After everyone had been introduced, the attendees would report to Deyo if there was someone they would like to see again. If the other person said the same, it was a connection.
“Honestly, I’m only here because my friend invited me, so my expectations are pretty low,” Skylar said, not too confidently.
Born and raised in Reno, Skylar is in his early thirties and would like to find a partner for a long-term relationship. He explains that the dating apps allow people to present a perfectly curated image of themselves, which can be misleading. He also feels that digital dating makes it difficult to really connect.
“I feel like it's hard to meet people online unless you market yourself very well with like, the photos you take… [This is] a lot better for me anyways, to meet someone at the moment. And you can kind of, like, pick up cues, whether or not there's a connection, whether or not you want to keep talking,” he said.
Enjoying a drink and dessert together on a small blue velvet loveseat, José and Cassandra didn’t come to the Arch Society for speed dating, but they understand what it’s like out there for singles.
They met just over two years ago when José found himself newly single after a 10-year relationship had gone sour. He says he knew right away when he met Cassandra that she was the one.
“Basically I just dropped it,” Jose explained of his approach. “Like I said, “listen, I'm like I'm not really here to waste your time hearing where I'm at in my life. I want to have a kid, I want to get married. I'm just kind of here, and if you're cool with it: cool’ and and she's like “I don't know.”
Cassandra remembered the courtship in her own way. “He was like ‘you wanna be my girlfriend or not?’ If you want to ok, if not we can have a good time and I just won’t call you tomorrow.’”
“And then, like, three months later, she's pregnant and we got married in July and then we have a little baby girl, she's two now,” Jose explained.
Despite a small turnout on this particular Tuesday night, former strangers became acquaintances and some connections were made. If nothing else, the night was a chance for some local lonely hearts to commiserate on the trials and tribulations of dating in the modern world.